Bored, dominant, impatient, and demanding?

My wife says Natalie is just acting as a two year old. I hope she is right. I have to stay on top of it.

About half a year ago it started. I had taught her the alphabet. She could recognize a letter and name it. One day I went through a popular alphabet book and asked on each page what letter was featured on it. At the time we reached the letter K she said: "That is ... that is ... that is Duh." I was not amused. "No, " I said, "this is the letter K. You know that!" And I turned the page. Then she went: "That is ... that is ... that is DUH." I closed the book and pretended I wanted to leave. She begged me to stay. "OK, but you have to tell papa the letters, OK?" Now the letter L came out without hesitation. Next, the M. "That is ... that is ... " I could feel the excitement. "That is DUH!" That was the end of it. I have not done any alphabet books since then. I concluded she was bored.

She is becoming more demanding every day. Whenever she wants something she says she NEEDS it. And that is when she is in a good mood. We are teaching her that crying for something does not help. Even just screaming "More milk!" is not effective. It just makes us ask: "What is the right way to ask?" And she knows: "Can I get some more milk, please?" Now she is also getting impatient. So she manages to communicate in less than three seconds: "More milk! Can I get some more milk please? Right now!" What can we do?

During our summer holiday we stayed a few days at friends. After less than a day she felt at home. The second day she had figured out that our hosts were quite amenable to meeting all her wishes. The third day she was commanding them.

Another day I wanted her to hold my hand while we crossed the street. She did not like it. So I asked again. She refused: "I don't need that." With a strong voice I demanded: "Come here!" She said No. I grabbed her, held her forcefully facing me and said strongly: "If papa says you come you don't say no, OK?" She said No.

It looks like she is getting out of control. Or am I just a bit dominant, impatient, and demanding?

Like a sponge

One of the most amazing aspects of young children is how receptive they are. This offers both great opportunities and great responsibilities to their parents.

Some time ago Natalie had a stomach virus which made her vomit. After the first time she threw up, my wife and I offered her some water. Unfortunately that made her throw up again. So my wife told her that she should not drink too much, just a little. Natalie took it to heart and refused to drink for the next 24 hours. During that time she vomited for the third time and so we got concerned about her becoming dehydrated. My wife (who is a nurse) took her to the ER and Natalie got an IV. The next day she still did not want to drink. Gradually we were able to convince her she'd eat some apple sauce and yoghurt. And finally, at the end of the second day, she had a normal dinner. At that time we realized that it was us who had caused the problem. We had told her so strongly to not drink too much that she decided not to drink at all. It also made us realize how big our responsibility is. Every word we say affects her, every day.

Sometimes this leads to situations that are really funny (for us parents at least). We, like many parents nowadays, punish Natalie by giving her a timeout (one minute per year of age). This happens for instance if she steals a toy from her younger brother. When Natalie plays with her dolls, we hear she gives them timeouts as well. When we ask why they got one, it's always because of a reason we gave Natalie a timeout. Just like a sponge, but much more intelligent.

That's my daughter

My wife bought a CD for me (the soundtrack to Knocked Up) that carries the song "Daughter." Natalie and I like to dance on it. That is, I do most of the dancing: I hold her in my arms, she embraces me, her head on my shoulder. She can't sit on my lap for more than a few seconds (unless I read a story to her), but when we dance, she melts and does not move. That's my daughter.

Become like children

For years I have wondered what Jesus meant by: "Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 18:3). What do children have that some or most of us lack and why does this lack prevent us from entering the kingdom of heaven (the state of awareness in which we know what's happening)?

Natalie recently taught me. We had given her some bread that contained honey, not knowing that some young children are allergic to honey. So she got a diaper rash that got so bad that her skin broke. It was clearly very painful, especially in bath when we used soap to clean her. She cried. My wife and I were desperate; we had caused the pain of our sweet little girl. She used to have the greatest fun in bath, and now she was crying. We worried whether she would heal completely and how long it would take.

Before we put on her diaper my wife put some cream on her buttocks. It worked very fast and took away the pain. Right at that moment Natalie started laughing again. I wondered "How can you laugh when you have a diaper rash?" Then I realized the pain had been taken away and so had her reason to cry.

Getting wiser

Today I changed her diaper. After that, I said "Come, let's put on your pants." She corrected me instantaneously: "Those are tights, papa!"
Two years, 49 days old, and already getting smarter.

Why?

It all started March 9, 2005. A massive army of over 400 million soldiers marched into hostile territory. The battle was brutal and the losses were of epic proportions. Hundreds of millions were slaughtered in the first hour. The few that survived did so under cover of the bodies of their dead comrades. But each and every soldier was fully committed. They knew that the success of one would be the success of all. Wave after wave they sacrificed themselves for this higher purpose. In the end only a handful made it to their destination. One of them, a handsome young lieutenant managed to enter the residence of the princess. He seemed to have not suffered from the ferocious battle outside. When he saw the princess he smiled and enjoyed her ravishing beauty. The princess welcomed him, embraced him, and then ... they merged into one. A new child was conceived.

Fast forward to January 6, 2008. It has been 25 months now since her birth. Natalie is a beautiful little girl. "The joy of my life," I tend to say. But what use is joy if nobody pays attention? Am I consciously consuming all precious moments I spend with my daughter? God forbid I ever take them for granted. Do I really taste the rich flavours, enjoying each and every one of them, or do I just swallow them mindlessly? Blogging raises awareness. So here we go ...