Provider Man

We got snowed in. We underestimated the winter in Oregon and did not buy any tire chains. So after a week we were running out of supplies. As a Provider Man I had no other choice than to face the elements and go out hunting. Actually, I loved getting out for a walk with my backpack and hiking boots. I have sufficient gear and during the walk I even got too hot in my heavy winter coat and gloves.

At the store I did my best to meet all my wife's wishes. We had a lot of phone conversations. "I cannot find the molasses, Dear. They only have blackstrap molasses, the kind you don't like." "No, they don't have them in the Organics Section. You have to find the regular section where they have mild taste molasses." "Oh, OK." Walking around in the grocery store I noticed several other guys on the phone. I realized they were all talking to their wives at home. One even winked at me - the only way we could communicate (being on the phone). For a moment I felt like being a member of The Brotherhood of Men.

On the way home I realized we men have evolved a lot. A few thousand years ago we just went out together and our wives ate the prey we got. Now we go out of our way to ensure we get the right ingredients for the cookies they bake for us.

A new adventure

In January Natalie will start at a Montessori preschool. We are all very excited about it. As young as she is, Natalie senses that a new chapter is starting - she has repeatedly requested to go to the "New School." The more we read about it (like here) the more we are convinced we made the right choice. This is our school.

In the moment

Today we celebrated Natalie's birthday. So I asked her at breakfast how it felt being three. She looked confused. I said: "Yesterday you were two, and today you are three. What is different?" She pointed to the wall and said: "The clock is moving!"

Montessori school visit

Today my wife and I visited a Montessori school. The school's location is far from ideal, so on our way there I thought "It must be really really good for us to even consider taking our kids here every day." As a matter of fact, I thought it was so unlikely that I felt a bit embarrassed taking the time of the school to show us what they offered.

The minute I entered the classroom I was so moved that I found myself fighting my tears. What I saw was unbelievable. No flyers, no websites, no testimonies could ever have convinced me that this was possible. Can you imagine 28 toddlers in a classroom all working quietly and diligently on their projects? They were all exploring things. Some were helping others. None of them were fighting. None of them were screaming. They all cleaned up after themselves. And it all was so natural. Natural discipline. No force whatsoever. Stunningly beautiful.

I can imagine you would not believe this. I would not have. Seeing it happen right in front of me convinced me that this was what I wanted more than anything in my life. And I realized how clumsy the regular schools are where they force all children to learn the same thing at the same time, ignoring the interests and talents of the precious individual human beings that the schools are meant to serve. It's no surprise that lots of time and energy at regular schools gets wasted keeping everyone in line. I realized how silly my prejudice was that children would not learn anything useful if they were left to choose. The children I saw were all under six years of age and several of them were working with numbers and letters. Some were spelling words. I did not learn any of that before I was seven.

Afterwards I spoke with my wife, who had been observing in another classroom. She had had the same experience and the same emotions. We share the same conviction. We will do anything we can to make this possible for our children. We will be strong and work hard. And we will love it.

Two and counting!

Yesterday Natalie finally managed to count apple bites correctly. A couple of months ago she was able to recognize the numbers one through eleven but she had little understanding of counting: Whenever I asked her to count some items, she'd point at them randomly and say one, two, three, etc. Sometimes she would stop at the right number but most often she would not.

This weekend I showed her that she could move one apple bite to the side with each number. And repeatedly she was able to figure out the right number. It made us both happy: me because she could count and her because she got so many apple bites.

About fourty years ago I delighted my father by listing all powers of two up to 8192. To show his appreciation he gave me some money. It was the first money I ever earned. Years later I got my master's in math. So today I gave Natalie a present: a jigsaw puzzle of Thomas the tank engine.

Can't wait to teach her differential equations!

Because actually probably

One of the juiciest parts of being a father is seeing my children develop skills. Natalie's vocabulary is growing rapidly. She picks up words everywhere and tries to use them in sentences. Nowadays she hardly says any sentence without one of the words 'actually,' 'probably,' and 'because' in them. When she tells me a story she does it with conviction and full of confidence. She looks me straight in the eyes and I look back and I just listen because probably she likes me to, actually.

Hero

Natalie is as independent as a two-year old can be, until something unexpected happens. A barking dog, a flushing toilet, a car coming, or even seeing an unknown person can make her cling to my legs. For a moment I enjoy being her hero. And then she goes her own way again.

Bored, dominant, impatient, and demanding?

My wife says Natalie is just acting as a two year old. I hope she is right. I have to stay on top of it.

About half a year ago it started. I had taught her the alphabet. She could recognize a letter and name it. One day I went through a popular alphabet book and asked on each page what letter was featured on it. At the time we reached the letter K she said: "That is ... that is ... that is Duh." I was not amused. "No, " I said, "this is the letter K. You know that!" And I turned the page. Then she went: "That is ... that is ... that is DUH." I closed the book and pretended I wanted to leave. She begged me to stay. "OK, but you have to tell papa the letters, OK?" Now the letter L came out without hesitation. Next, the M. "That is ... that is ... " I could feel the excitement. "That is DUH!" That was the end of it. I have not done any alphabet books since then. I concluded she was bored.

She is becoming more demanding every day. Whenever she wants something she says she NEEDS it. And that is when she is in a good mood. We are teaching her that crying for something does not help. Even just screaming "More milk!" is not effective. It just makes us ask: "What is the right way to ask?" And she knows: "Can I get some more milk, please?" Now she is also getting impatient. So she manages to communicate in less than three seconds: "More milk! Can I get some more milk please? Right now!" What can we do?

During our summer holiday we stayed a few days at friends. After less than a day she felt at home. The second day she had figured out that our hosts were quite amenable to meeting all her wishes. The third day she was commanding them.

Another day I wanted her to hold my hand while we crossed the street. She did not like it. So I asked again. She refused: "I don't need that." With a strong voice I demanded: "Come here!" She said No. I grabbed her, held her forcefully facing me and said strongly: "If papa says you come you don't say no, OK?" She said No.

It looks like she is getting out of control. Or am I just a bit dominant, impatient, and demanding?

Like a sponge

One of the most amazing aspects of young children is how receptive they are. This offers both great opportunities and great responsibilities to their parents.

Some time ago Natalie had a stomach virus which made her vomit. After the first time she threw up, my wife and I offered her some water. Unfortunately that made her throw up again. So my wife told her that she should not drink too much, just a little. Natalie took it to heart and refused to drink for the next 24 hours. During that time she vomited for the third time and so we got concerned about her becoming dehydrated. My wife (who is a nurse) took her to the ER and Natalie got an IV. The next day she still did not want to drink. Gradually we were able to convince her she'd eat some apple sauce and yoghurt. And finally, at the end of the second day, she had a normal dinner. At that time we realized that it was us who had caused the problem. We had told her so strongly to not drink too much that she decided not to drink at all. It also made us realize how big our responsibility is. Every word we say affects her, every day.

Sometimes this leads to situations that are really funny (for us parents at least). We, like many parents nowadays, punish Natalie by giving her a timeout (one minute per year of age). This happens for instance if she steals a toy from her younger brother. When Natalie plays with her dolls, we hear she gives them timeouts as well. When we ask why they got one, it's always because of a reason we gave Natalie a timeout. Just like a sponge, but much more intelligent.

That's my daughter

My wife bought a CD for me (the soundtrack to Knocked Up) that carries the song "Daughter." Natalie and I like to dance on it. That is, I do most of the dancing: I hold her in my arms, she embraces me, her head on my shoulder. She can't sit on my lap for more than a few seconds (unless I read a story to her), but when we dance, she melts and does not move. That's my daughter.

Become like children

For years I have wondered what Jesus meant by: "Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 18:3). What do children have that some or most of us lack and why does this lack prevent us from entering the kingdom of heaven (the state of awareness in which we know what's happening)?

Natalie recently taught me. We had given her some bread that contained honey, not knowing that some young children are allergic to honey. So she got a diaper rash that got so bad that her skin broke. It was clearly very painful, especially in bath when we used soap to clean her. She cried. My wife and I were desperate; we had caused the pain of our sweet little girl. She used to have the greatest fun in bath, and now she was crying. We worried whether she would heal completely and how long it would take.

Before we put on her diaper my wife put some cream on her buttocks. It worked very fast and took away the pain. Right at that moment Natalie started laughing again. I wondered "How can you laugh when you have a diaper rash?" Then I realized the pain had been taken away and so had her reason to cry.

Getting wiser

Today I changed her diaper. After that, I said "Come, let's put on your pants." She corrected me instantaneously: "Those are tights, papa!"
Two years, 49 days old, and already getting smarter.

Why?

It all started March 9, 2005. A massive army of over 400 million soldiers marched into hostile territory. The battle was brutal and the losses were of epic proportions. Hundreds of millions were slaughtered in the first hour. The few that survived did so under cover of the bodies of their dead comrades. But each and every soldier was fully committed. They knew that the success of one would be the success of all. Wave after wave they sacrificed themselves for this higher purpose. In the end only a handful made it to their destination. One of them, a handsome young lieutenant managed to enter the residence of the princess. He seemed to have not suffered from the ferocious battle outside. When he saw the princess he smiled and enjoyed her ravishing beauty. The princess welcomed him, embraced him, and then ... they merged into one. A new child was conceived.

Fast forward to January 6, 2008. It has been 25 months now since her birth. Natalie is a beautiful little girl. "The joy of my life," I tend to say. But what use is joy if nobody pays attention? Am I consciously consuming all precious moments I spend with my daughter? God forbid I ever take them for granted. Do I really taste the rich flavours, enjoying each and every one of them, or do I just swallow them mindlessly? Blogging raises awareness. So here we go ...